Some people, especially victims of abuse, are put-off when they hear we need Acceptance to find peace. You could, if you so desire, replace the word Acceptance with Acknowledgement. When you acknowledge you are in pain, you are on the road to discover lasting peace.
But how would that help?
The science behind Acceptance
An arrow hits a warrior. Immediately if he starts thinking, “Why has this happened to me?” he has released a second arrow at himself. The ‘second arrow’ in our lives is the blame, denial, criticism, and many other labels we attach or the stories we tell ourselves.
Would you speak harsh words to a dear friend? It’s time we became our good friend and stop condemning the self within.
Acceptance helps us prevent the misery caused by ‘second arrow.’ The first arrow is the pain we are in. The second arrow that you unleash causes more suffering.
Different laws for our inner world
If you are in place A and seek to rush to B, you would activate your GPS and maneuver your car with speed and skill. However when it comes to our inner world, if you are in state A- say anger, and you now seek to go to another situation B- peace, you can’t ‘rush’ or ‘drive’ fast with positive thoughts or self-help techniques.
You first need to wholeheartedly accept you are angry- in state A. Only then your journey to state B is possible.
Let’s say you worked hard on a project in the office, but your partner took all the credits and sought a promotion. When you discover his betrayal and indifference to your emotions, you feel pain. You are angry, sad, and hurt.
This pain is inevitable in our lives- we all feel cheated, fearful, lonely, etc., at different times of our lives.
Although pain is universal, some of us, due to a life of non-Acceptance, add stories to our situation and blow up the shock to the next level- of suffering: ‘How could he do it?’ or ‘He is bad’ or ‘This isn’t fair’ or ‘this can’t be true.’
But would your thinking like this change the event? It’s what it is, and your wishing it didn’t happen, doesn’t help. While pain is compulsory in this world of dualities, suffering is optional. If we can accept what is, we save mental energy. By non-acceptance, you twist and swirl the dragger that someone has stabbed you with.
To be continued….