Following is an excerpt from the lecture on Succeed With Self And Others by HG Vraj Bihari Prabhu.
Different people view success differently. From my perspective, let us discuss what success is, what are the principals involved in it and the techniques through which we can achieve success. Life is a cycle and the definition of success will keep on changing. But most commonly, we misunderstand the definition of success because we forget the principles and concentrate on the techniques. First, we need to understand the difference between the principles and techniques. Principles are the universal laws that must be followed to become successful. Techniques are time, place and circumstance specific methods for success and are different for each and every person. Principles are the most important part and should be given more weightage.
There are three critical principles which are universally accepted to become successful in life. They are clarity, contribution and connection. Clarity means understanding “who I am, what I want and what my relationship with this world is”. Contribute means living a life for others, a life of service. Connection means activity to bring a positive change in the society. That requires accepting others and appreciating others. First we have to be clear about what we want and while working for that, help others. And while helping, connect to them. And these three principles will help in succeeding with ourselves and also with others in relationship. To understand the real meaning of success and the importance of principles that must be followed, we will see the two following examples.
First is the example of Meena Kumari who was a renowned actress in India. When she was born and raised in extreme poverty. But when she was 8 years old, she became a star. When she was 18 years old, she was a well-known personality in India. So powerful was her acting and so graceful was her movements, top most actors would forget their dialogue when acting with her. She was so popular that head of the dacoit group which attacked them asked for her autograph in his hand with a knife. But she was deceived by a man who was already married and had a son and got married to him. After that she was abused by her husband and felt depressed. When the famous movie Sahib Bibi aur Ghulam was released, she got addicted to alcohol. Then she ran into a lot of problems and ultimately called as Tragedy queen of India. Finally she was admitted to a hospital and died there with no one and no money. If she had applied these three principles, she would have had a peaceful life but may not have been an actress.
Second is the example of Kishore Kumar who was a renowned playback singer in Indian cinema. He was from an ordinary family. His brother was acting and with the help of him, Kishore ventured into Indian cinema. And he became so successful that everyone in India was literally humming his songs. But as like Meena Kumari, Kishore Kumar was also very much miserable during his last days and was described as saddest man in India. Literally, he had bitten the person who came to see him in his last days. Like this, many people who had money, fame and almost everything had a horrible lonely death. And their money, fame and other things had withered away. Because they did not apply these principles in their life and they were concerned with the techniques alone.
If we focus on techniques, this will be our case also. So we have to focus on the principles rather than the techniques or tools. First principle is Clarity which means understanding our self and others. Many people complain that others do not understand them and that is leading to many problems. But we should know that everyone is unique in this world and no can understand other fully. We have to understand our self and help others to understand themselves. To understand what clarity is, think that you are dead and the next week, your relatives come and talk about you. If what would you want to hear from them is consistent with your actions now, then you have some clarity. To achieve that begin your activities with the end, i.e. death in mind.
Next is contribution. Contribution is helping people to achieve what they need. But most commonly we want people to achieve what we want. Generally, parents in India wants their children to become a person what they dreamed of. This is called extended sense satisfaction. Usain bolt, the fastest man in the world dreamed to become a cricketer. But his parents identified his strength and encourage becoming the fastest man in the world. Likewise, we need to help people to improve and achieve their place in the world.
And the last principle is connection with the people. This is accepting others and respecting their choices. Whenever we appreciate the good in others, we will not feel insecure. This will help us to avoid unnecessary problems like anger and jealous. And this will help in increasing the feeling of brotherhood which can unit people disregard of race, religion etc.
Adam grant wrote a book called Give and Take. He is a renowned professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania and awarded the best professor at Wharton school. He researched about almost all successful persons in last 200 years to find a pattern for being successful. He proves through statistics that there are three groups of people in this world. They are Takers, Matchers and Givers. Takers only think of what they can get. Matchers take only as much as they take. They see balance in all kind of things. Givers always think how I can give back more than I am receiving. And he proves that givers are the more successful people.
There are two kinds of philosophies in this world. One is called the Candle philosophy and other is called the Ice cream philosophy. Candle philosophy is “Bring light before it melts” which means bring jot to others before you die. Ice cream philosophy is “Enjoy before it melts” which means life is going to end so enjoy before you die. So we can choose between the two on how to live in life.
And at last, I will tell you some of the techniques that I used for achieving success. They are awareness, Pranayam, chanting, diet, exercise and free writing.
This is very beautifully explained in this Video, please play this video and listen to this video.