“It is better to limp honestly on the path of truth than to run swiftly in the costume of perfection.”
My heart wants Krishna, but I am under siege by the mind!
I did six good rounds of Japa today, but the lazy, comfort-seeking voice whispered, ‘Sleep, it’s jet lag, you are tired.”
I know this voice is not me; it’s my old roommate- the mind- who doesn’t care for my real welfare. And I already know he has fooled me before. Why trust him now?
In the Bhagavad Gita (6.6), Krishna says, “For him who has conquered the mind, the mind is the best of friends; but for one who has failed to do so, his mind will remain the greatest enemy.”
I make a decision now, “I will not let the mind win.”
I have ten rounds left, and that’s just 1080 names.
I tell myself, “You’ve chanted six rounds already — Krishna is already watching, already pleased. Finish what you started. Even slow, even tired — but finish. Would you want to go to sleep with “I could’ve done it but I gave in to weakness” lingering in your heart? You will sleep like a warrior after these ten rounds.”
My heart feels dry, and I feel no rasa, and yet I chant. Why? Because Krishna is waiting, He wants to hear His Names from my lips.
What if today is the day Krishna notes in His diary: “Today, My devotee didn’t feel My presence. But he still chanted. That was love.”
This is real bhakti — when you chant even when it’s hard.
Now, as my body aches, mind protests, heart cries, I don’t aim to chant perfectly. Just chant. Forget quality or feelings now. Make it pure grit. Walk, if needed. Whisper if needed. Just keep going.
I need to ask for help from Krishna: “Krishna! I don’t have love! I don’t have willpower! But please… help me chant Your name today. I have nothing else to give. Take this effort as my offering.”
This prayer will soften my heart as well – after all begging is more valuable than perfect focus.
Don’t negotiate with the mind. Just stand up. Pick up the beads. Say the first mantra.
That’s all. Don’t think about ten rounds. Think about one mantra.
Say it now:
“Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare”
Say it again.
Am I compromised?
Today I found myself unable to chant with clarity or concentration. The jetlag, the pain in my body, and the mental fatigue made it nearly impossible to pronounce the Holy Name with attentiveness. Yet, somehow, I finished my quota of sixteen rounds. It was not ideal. It was not what I would call deep japa. But it was my honest offering for today.
I reflected: today I ‘finished’ my japa; tomorrow, I hope to ‘complete’ it; and one day, I aspire to truly ‘connect’ with Krishna through my chanting. From ‘finishing’ or duty, I seek to move to ‘complete’ my quota with devotion, and then finally I hope to reach a stage of divine connection.
I know that ideally, every name should be chanted with love and remembrance. But the reality is that often, I fall short. Still, I return each day with sincerity, however compromised it may appear externally.
Spiritual life is meant to be based on dedication. And dedication, I now realize, sometimes takes the form of compromise. Not the compromise of abandoning principles, but the compromise that says, “Today I could not offer my best, but I offered what I could. And I will try better tomorrow.”
Spiritual life is a compromise, although it should not be. The reality of conditioned existence demands adaptation — not to lower the bar, but to stay afloat and keep swimming.
I need to remember that Krishna is not looking for flawless execution; He is looking for a faithful heart. It’s not about never faltering, but about never leaving.
I also feel bad when my chanting isn’t the way it’s supposed to be, because I know then that I am not at my best spiritually. But at least I am honest about it. I don’t justify my weakness, but I also don’t give up. Some days I feel too tired to live up to the ideals I preach in classes. But I still continue. I still show up. I still chant. I still try.
“Please allow me to feel loved by You, Krishna,” I pray. “Even if I fall short in performance, let me not fall short in honesty. Let me not fall short in returning to You, in depending on You, in seeking You.”
Srila Prabhupada said in one letter, “So don’t be worried, do your best and success or failure does not matter. ……in other words, there is no question of failure in Krishna Consciousness, whatever we do it is success………Krishna says, My devotee is never vanquished. So, we must try sincerely, that’s all.” (November 15, 1968)
Smara Hari prabhu, a disciple of Srila Prabhupada, recalls a hope giving incident:
A devotee told Srila Prabhupada, “Every time I feel I’m making advancement I have a fall down.” He said, “This has happened so many times. I just do not know if I can find the strength to pick myself up again.” Srila Prabhupada brought his head back down with a nice fatherly smile and said, “Just as an infant when learning to walk falls down so many times, he picks himself up and persists and learns to walk.” He said, “After some time he can run, he can jump and do so many wonderful, athletic things.” He said, “But do not think you’re a big advanced devotee when you are still an infant in spiritual life.”
And Krishna Himself declares in the Bhagavad Gita:
“Even if one commits the most abominable action, if he is engaged in devotional service, he is to be considered saintly because he is properly situated in determination.” (Bhagavad-gita 9.30)
That is our hope. That Krishna, our ever-loving father, is watching our faltering steps not with judgment but with compassion.
I want to relax without relaxing my standards. And even if sometimes my standards do slip, I don’t want to justify it. I want to improve. I want to serve. I want to be sincere. I am not what I used to be in terms of youthful vigor, but my desire to return to Krishna has only grown stronger.
So yes, compromise may not be the goal, but compromised sincerity is more pleasing to Krishna than hypocritical perfection. Hypocrisy seeks to impress others. Sincerity seeks to please Krishna.
Compromised sincerity vs Hypocritical Perfection
I’d rather be honest, raw and dependent on Krishna, than pretentious, proud and dependent on ego.
It’s more important to show up despite weakness rather than show off while hiding weakness.
Let me accept my own limitations humbly and not expect admiration for so-called purity.
I now realize that my ‘compromised sincerity’ will move Krishna’s heart but my ‘hypocritical perfection’ will only get Krishna’s silence.
I’ll never settle for compromise as the destination.
But when compromise comes, let it be decorated with honesty and dependence, and then it becomes an offering pleasing to Krishna.
I would like to remember that Krishna cherishes a faltering heart that tries sincerely, more than a flawless act that hides behind ego and show.
And regarding preaching on high standards: If Krishna consciousness had to be taught only by the perfectly self-realized, who would teach? At least not me, for sure!
But the world is changed by those who fall in love with the ideal, even if they fall down while reaching for it.
If I am tired, weak, or unable to chant well, but I still chant out of love and duty, Krishna accepts it. If I fall but refuse to give up, Krishna values that. If I admit my shortcomings but keep trying to improve, Krishna is pleased.
Today may not have been my best. But it was honest. And Krishna loves honesty more than show.
So, I will keep chanting. I will keep trying. And I will keep praying that Krishna sees my little offering and blesses me with remembrance and love. I may not be where I want to be, but thank God, I’m not where I used to be.
And that, perhaps, is what it means to walk the path of bhakti in this world of imperfection.
