“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving
someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu
To experience real happiness we simply need to take care of three
things- stability, clarity and love. When one has this triangle of
satcitananda sorted, he or she is in a state of Brahman or referred to
in modern parlance as Home-State.
And how do we develop ‘stability-clarity-love’?
I knew a corporate professional with a seven figure salary who
confessed to me that he doesn’t really know what makes him happy. He
drinks, parties and watches movies, yet feels a gnawing vacuum that’s
growing with age. He has a palatial house and good savings but feels
his life is unstable because his wife chose another man. He feels like
a rudderless ship- confused about his goals and unsure what will make
him happy.
‘I desperately need stability, but how?’ was his desperate question. I
reasoned that stability comes with awareness or clarity of who we are-
we are not this temporary body but an eternal soul. Just like the
driver of the car is different from the vehicle, similarly, the soul
is beyond the perishable body. When all things change with our body,
from infancy to old age, the real ‘I’, the occupier of the body
continues to live on. This awareness of the eternal soul or being
situated in the soul platform is called stability.
But the challenge before us: we are constantly bombarded by trials of
this temporary world. My friend’s wife left him for another man, and
this is a real pain he can’t ignore. As he slowly connects to his real
‘self’- the undying soul who is beyond all the temporary designations
of this world like a husband, corporate manager, etc, he’d likely
begin to find peace.
But one whose heart is broken, how would you explain to him that he
needs to be aware of a reality beyond his broken heart? Therefore what
he and all of us need at the most basic level of existence, is love-
the third of the Home-State principle.
Love in this world has limitations. My friend felt unloved because his
wife left him. All my sermons and counselling fell on deaf ears
because he is in deep pain. As he repeatedly expressed ignorance and
confusion on as to what makes him happy, I matter of factly told him
that he doesn’t know what makes him happy because he is convinced he
doesn’t deserve to be happy. Only when he feels loved, can he think
for himself clearly. And then he can acquire some sort of stability.
He confessed he never really liked himself. And began to see reason in
the explanation that he thinks he doesn’t deserve happiness. Therefore
at best, he gets some pleasure experiences- that is strikingly
different from happiness. Pleasure is at the level of the senses and
temporary; whereas happiness goes deeper and satisfies one at the
level of the soul.
To be continued…
